transition diary

Today I am going on about a year having switched to injectable testosterone from gel. I've honestly liked it more than I thought I would, despite being essentially forced to switch. For the past couple years before this I'd been having escalating issues with both my insurance and the pharmacy regarding the gel. The pharmacy I was going to was deeply unreliable and often got my script wrong, and the amount I needed to be prescribed was beyond what my insurance was willing to pay for. So for a while I was paying with a combo of insurance and GoodRx, which the pharmacy really didn't like. It was a pain to fill pretty much every month, to the point that I was dreading it every month.

I finally caved last year and switched to subcutaneous injections because that's what my partner uses and I figured he could help me get used to doing shots. (I also switched to a much nicer indepedent pharmacy, thanks to moving in with my partner in a different part of our metro area.) The first shot was scary, but since then it's been pretty smooth sailing. I inject once a week on Sunday mornings and don't have to think about it otherwise. It's nice to not have to plan around putting on gel, when I can take showers before or after gel, when I can go swimming, etc!

It's been keeping my T levels more in the right range, too. I'd been struggling to maintain my levels high enough on gel, even with a huge dose, after 10 years on the stuff and with my hysto eliminating my original plumbing hormones. It was to the point that I was starting to see adverse health effects from the low levels. I feel much more back in form now physically and emotionally, which is really nice!

There's a lot of weird moralizing and valorizing that used to and sometimes still does happen in the community around gel vs injections, with there being a belief in some circles that gel is less effective or somehow just less "real" than the needle route. Gel worked well for me for almost 10 years, I didn't mind it at all, and I don't regret having started on it. Our bodies and needs are different and ever-changing, and for me the switch feels like a pretty natural progression. The only thing I don't like is that the switch was forced on me by my insurance issues rather than a mutually agreed on decision between me and my doctor.

originally posted on tumblr

1 year post op on my hysto today! Not really a ton new to report, just feeling much better in general and finally feel like I’m free of a lot of the fatigue/lethargy that still hung on through the winter and early spring (probably the last bits of recovery combined with the pacific northwest winter doldrums, to be fair). To get back into hiking shape for the summer I started a couch to 5k running training plan in April, and ran my first 5k today! I’m enjoying it more than expected (running?? Enjoyable??? Who would have thought??? transition is magic for making having a body bearable) and looking forward to getting to make the most of this summer after being cooped up in recovery all of last summer.

originally posted on tumblr

6 months post hysto

An interesting but fitting confluence that my 6 month post op mark (technically this past weekend) for my hysto coincided so closely with the winter solstice, but I guess I should have seen it coming considering how close my surgery date was to the summer solstice! It was nice to get to celebrate this time, I was obviously too freshly recovering to celebrate mid-summer and I’m not super open with my parents about my spiritual practices.

It also snuck up on me because of how seldom I have to think about it at this point. Mostly like with top surgery it’s a weight off my shoulders (less literally, though, lol) that feels like it was never there now that it’s gone. Work has as usual been intense for the past few months, so I’m looking forward to more downtime and hiking again in the new year, and to actually getting to enjoy the outdoors more in the summer.

originally posted on tumblr

3 months post op from hysto! Pretty much feel back to normal now other than still just working on increasing stamina - still been walking farther and longer every day and managed to get into the office rather than work from home 4 of 5 days this week (my office is currently still flexible with work from home, but I’ll be in a lot in the next few weeks for one of our busy periods). Still struggling a bit with anxiety off and on, but not near as bad as before surgery and having other stuff to focus on has helped a lot (along with actually acknowledging it as a pandemic-induced relapse) - I’m about halfway through Breath of the Wild, have read a couple books again finally, and have been learning to knit. It’s just so nice not having the constant background anxiety about the original plumbing.

originally posted on tumblr

5 years post-op top surgery, 2 months post-op hysto

Hysto-wise I’m feeling really good at this point! A lot of my energy is returning and random aches and pains are few and far between now. My incisions are scarring over well other than having a stubborn dissolving stitch taking its time on one of them, and I’m starting to really return to what feels like normal activity levels and lifting. My roommate got me into Zelda Breath of the Wild which has been a balm for the more boring bits of late recovery where I’m too tired to do much but not tired enough to not do anything, plus it scratches my hiking itch a bit, hahahaha. Being on the other side of this has really helped my lingering dysphoria in ways I never expected it to, like making me feel like my body is finally and incontrovertibly mine.

I also happen to be 5 years post-op from my top surgery today! No big updates there, just continuing to enjoy the freedom, especially of being topless in our recent heatwaves here in the pacific northwest.

Really starting to consider my options for tattoos now that I’m not saving for surgeries - I’ve had a few on my list for years and years and it seems like they’d be a good celebration of feeling whole and in control of my body.